With just under 6 weeks until baby number two arrives and after what feels like the LONGEST pregnancy ever I have started to allow myself to fantasize about what alcoholic beverages I shall be treating myself to once the little lady is safely delivered out of my body. Ice cold champagne so bubbly it tickles your nose, goblets of gin and tonic served on a berg of ice with a fresh wedge of lime and rich, deep red wines that turn your lips black… Mmm I can’t wait.
Even though I love a drink I know my limit is 3 glasses if I don’t want to have a lingering headache the next day, there’s only one thing worse than having a hangover and that’s having a hangover whilst caring for a toddler.
In our BC (before children) days my husband and I used to go out all the time and spend lots of lovely disposable income on ridiculous cocktails and overpriced fizz. Weekends and bank holidays were spent soaking up the sun in beer gardens or lounging around restaurants with friends for hours on end ordering bottle after bottle without a care for how I might feel the next day. Inevitably I’d wake up around noon and spend the day lying in a fetal position, groaning into my pillow whilst trying not to smell my own breath. The most physically demanding thing I’d have to do is go downstairs to get more carbohydrates or melt some cheese in the microwave (amazing). BC you only have yourself to look after and you can wallow around in selfish bliss until you feel human enough to make a trip to Burger King. Once you’ve popped out a dependent or two that all changes.
Since becoming a mum I find that I’ll excitedly make plans with friends to go out on the town and have some fun but as the date looms closer I start sweating at the thought of the hangover I’ll have and how difficult it is to make baby porridge when it feels like your stomach is going to explode out of your nostrils. I’ll gleefully arrange to book a table at a posh restaurant for 9pm but when it comes to it I know when the evening arrives I’d rather get Scarlett to sleep then whip my bra off and lay prostate on the sofa scoffing malteasers before retiring for bed at 8:30. It’s not that I don’t like going out with my friends it’s more that I enjoy it TOO much. Once I get my arse into three pairs of spanx and a new dress from Boohoo I get into the swing of things and tend to get a bit carried away, caught up in the excitement of a night of freedom and end up ordering horrifically boozey concoctions that make your brain shrivel up like a raisin the next morning.
Having kids I’ve found that even when I’ve had a drink I can never enjoy a deep sleep. With a hangover I wake up at around 5am needing to glug atleast 5 gallons of water to rehydrate my crispy eyeballs and then I lie there in an uneasy state of pain waiting for that little voice down the hallway to call “Muuuuuummmy”. Why is it when you’re feeling a bit tender that your children want to get up unusually early? This always happens to me and I have to peel my aching body off the mattress before it’s fully light outside, still wearing all the spanx and trying to ignore the fact that the lashings of last nights mascara is now encrusted on my beautiful white pillow cases. We’ll head downstairs and I’ll immediately turn to Peppa Pig to offer me some child care relief whilst I make sure the room is secure and safe then lie down on the sofa waiting for little fingers to come and prise open my eyelids and demand omelettes and horsey rides.
There’s no other way to handle the combination of penetrating hangover and toddler care than simply enduring it. You’ve got to get up and get on with things as you cannot take your eyes off the little buggers. My mum told me a story about when my brother was a baby and they’d all been to a housewarming party at a friends, she’d woken up a little worse for wear and let Olly play with her handbag whilst she lay trying to recover. When she looked up to see what he was doing she saw with horror that he’d covered himself and a large portion of her friends new cream carpet with great swirls of red lipstick. That’d make your headache decidedly worse.
Usually I’d say you should enjoy every second of your darling child’s awaking hours and fill them with fun and frolicking but a hangover day should be spent counting down the hours until it’s bedtime again and not letting your child see you eating their entire multipack of monster munch or drinking melted cheese. If you know you’re going to be hungover then make it easy on yourself by making sure you have a cupboard full of odourless, ready prepared meals and the entire back catalogue of Pixar movies to hand. You’ll always regret having those last few drinks so whatever your poison is make sure its worth it.
That being said, it’s important to let your hair down now and then… Cheers!