Lets talk about gender disappointment…


It’s there, the blue line you’ve been waiting for is finally there on the wee stick and you get that moment of complete exhilaration, panic and wonder rolled into one massive emotion whilst still sat on the loo with your knickers down. You wait out those first few weeks praying that the little nut stays put as you count down the days until your first scan. It’s when you start telling people and making your news public that you really start to think ‘hmm boy or girl…’

Everyone says “Oh I don’t even care what it is” when people ask them what they’d like but I think everyone deep down has a preference. When I was pregnant with my first child I was adamant I was having a boy as I come from a family of two children and I have an older brother. When I found out it was a girl I got a strange feeling of, well, disappointment. My whole idea of what a family looked like shifted a little but I thought oh well I’ll have a boy next time and when my daughter was born I was absolutely thrilled she was a girl, all those negative feelings disappeared the second I laid eyes on her, she’s become my home-grown best friend and we do fantastic girly things together everyday. I wouldn’t ever change her.

When we decided to have another baby though I thought this one is going to be a boy and our perfect family of four will be complete. I mapped out my ovulation days and cornered my husband on the day I was ripest (sorry) as according to the Shettles method male sperm is faster than the females but dies sooner so you’re more likely to conceive a boy if the egg is there waiting for it.

It only took one month and I got the blue line, I got terrible morning sickness just as I did with my daughter and when people would say “oooh I bet you’re having another girl” I felt like kicking them. I booked a private screening test at ten weeks to make sure everything was ok and was told I’d get results from my blood test including gender confirmation a week later, however, from the scan the lady thought it might look like a girl but it was difficult to be sure. I went away thinking what does she know, there’s hardly anything to see!

Sure enough a week later I got a phone call with the fantastic news that everything looked perfect, with a sigh of relief I almost forgot about the gender bit until the lady at the other end said “oh and it’s a girl”…

I thanked the lady and put the phone down and then I’m ashamed to say had a good old fashioned ugly cry for half an hour. A raging mixture of relief that everything was ok and shame at my disappointment, I cried for the boy I wasn’t having, the son my husband wouldn’t kick a ball about with and the vision of what I thought was a perfect nuclear family. The first thing my husband did when I told him was joke about how Henry VIII would have treated such an heir denying wench of a wife. I didn’t talk to him for 3 hours.

Since that day my pregnancy has blossomed and everyday that feeling of discontent gets replaced with joy and excitement when I feel our impending second daughter giving my internals a good kicking. My 2-year-old seems to understand whats happening and is getting so excited about her baby “shish”. I’ve got all of Scarlett’s clothes and toys down from the loft and can’t wait to put them to use again. I see my friends who have sisters going out shopping together, enjoying girly lunches and supporting one another and I realise how brilliant it’ll be for Scarlett to have another female to bond with and grow up best friends (hopefully). I see little girls so obviously sisters, wearing matching dresses and giggling together over tea sets and dollies and my heart explodes with excitement.

I think gender disappointment is something that should be openly discussed and admitted as those early pregnancy days are so hormonal your feelings can be overwhelming.  At the end of the day when the baby arrives  you don’t care whether it’s pink or blue you just love them. Who know’s maybe we will have another baby and maybe it’ll be a boy but right now I’m realising how lucky I am to have one awesome daughter and to be blessed with another one is just incredible. Plus, I’ll get to be mother of the bride TWICE!



  1. Anita Rake says:

    Good to be always the optimist and look for the positive Chloe, I like it….Mother of the bride twice….brilliant!

  2. Lynsay says:

    Oh Chloe! This made me well up. You see, I was the opposite. I really hoped and prayed that my 2nd would be a little sister for Jessica. And my heart BURST with excitement when my wish came true. But it soon faded when people would joke and ask if I’d have another to try for a boy, or ‘I bet you’re gutted you aren’t having a boy’. I was so angry and hurt that people would suggest that we were anything other than over the moon. But then I soon realised that we’d be thrilled either way, because as long as the baby arrived safely it really doesn’t matter. But it’s that guilt you then feel about thinking about the gender of your baby that a mother can only feel. Like the guilt you get when you’re feeding your child chicken nuggets because they are refusing the pasta and veggies you’ve prepared. Good luck Chloe. Two girls is amazing. Xx

  3. Kate Williams says:

    Wonderful writing once more Chloe – I love your refreshingly honest blog, very moving. You’ll soon discover just how amazing it is to have two little Miss Rakes 👭💗💗 x

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