After some spectacularly strange sights hitting the catwalks of New York fashion week in early February (see my earlier post New York Fashion Week Weirdness) I could only sit in wonder at what the London and Paris shows would offer up in representation of us proud Europeans. Here’s what we’ll all be wearing this year… apparently.
Velour Couture by Central Saint Martins –
Beside the fact that this is the most terrifying thing I have ever seen, I can’t help but think how hot you’d get wearing this with no obvious ventilation visible. On the plus side it’d be great if you wanted to nip into Aldi’s without being recognised. You would have to be a perfect size 0 model to wear this though otherwise someone might try sitting on you thinking you were a sofa.
Furry fashion by Rick Owens –
I spend enough time trying to tame the hair on my head let alone having to back comb my trousers. Imagine how much Elnett you’d get through?!
Cannibalism by Gareth Pugh –
Perfect for when you’re on a diet and having eaten a fields worth of Kale you just want to say “sod it” and eat a small person. I’d start with her hair though… it looks like a croissant.
Bag Lady by Maison Margiela –
You wouldn’t be able to sneak up on anyone in this rustley creation. Other than that I think it works.
Now, where did I put that bag for life…
Bunny shufflers by Clio Peppiatt –
Super cute but my dog would hump the face off these making it difficult to walk anywhere in a sophisticated fashion.
Chastity knickers by Vivienne Westwood –
For when you want to give your Tinder date the message that Netflix and Chill means just that.