I’ve decided that this is the year I’m going to learn and participate in a new sport. Running is a passion of mine, nothing beats the feeling of getting your trainers on and letting all of your tensions flow out of your legs as you put some mileage between you and your front door. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t always enjoyed running, I used to think I physically couldn’t do it, that my feet were the wrong shape and my lungs dysfunctional but 4 years ago the thought of putting on a wedding dress with bingo wings was enough to get me started and I just never stopped. However, recently it seems my knee’s have started to show signs of wear and tear so I need to find something else to break up my 5 mile a day pavement pounding before my kneecaps fall off.
There’s a few sports that I have tried and I’m discounting because of unpleasant experiences… I tried swimming a few years back as I saw people do it in films and liked the idea of gliding through the water like a sexy mermaid but the reality was that I never got my Dolphin 10 certificate in Primary school and so don’t know how to front crawl, breast stroking next to grannies just doesn’t seem as cool. Then there was the issue of my hair which being rather dry and frizzy in texture anyway turned into a sort of backcombed wire wool after a couple of doses of chlorine. The final nail in the aqua sports coffin was when someones stray sticking plaster found its way INTO MY MOUTH at the local pool. So swimming’s out.
More recently some friends and I tried out Equestrian Polo after finding a super deal on Groupon. I invested in all the riding gear; helmet, jodpurs and boots imagining that I’d be fantastic at it having had a few riding lessons when I was 8. It turned out that I was actually the worst Polo player to ever attempt the sport being both left handed and arthritic wristed, plus I was put on a pony who didn’t want to play polo at all and got pissed off with me missing the ball and inadvertently whacking him with my mallet thingy so halfway through decided that he was going to gallop all the way back to his stable to munch on some hay… with me still hopelessly perched on his back.
I loved Rounders at school but it was slightly tainted after I almost murdered a fellow pupil by accidentally smashing my bat into his head whilst practicing my swing. Similarly I’ve been put off Tennis after my best friend insisted I go watch her having a lesson so I could see how fit her coach was. She was so busy trying to catch my attention to see if I agreed that she managed to aim a spectacularly powerful serve directly into my face. I had a massive red impact circle on my forehead for days afterwards.
Perhaps I need a sport that you play individually so I don’t have to worry about maiming anybody. Gymnastics looks fun but I can’t even pull off a handstand without getting Vertigo, you need snow and a slope to ski and there’s nowhere to surf in the middle of West Yorkshire so I’ll struggle with those.
Badminton looks like it could be a winner, I mean how much damage can you do with a shuttle cock?
I need some help finding a suitable sport. Suggestions in the comments would be welcome and ofcourse I’ll keep you updated on the success rate.