Is it me or are spiders in this country getting bigger? I walked into the lounge the other day and thought an intruder was in the house, as I investigated I realised the true horror of the situation. A colossal, bristly legged, multi-eyeballed dinosaur of a spider was mountaineering up the wallpaper.
Now, I know the arachnid rights society will frown upon this but usually I’d get the hoover on it or urge my dog to eat the bugger but this was THAT BIG I felt my husband should get involved. He is a brave man, he waltzed in, exclaimed that yes it was indeed an eight legged mammoth then just picked it up with his bare, ungloved, unarmed hand and took it to the front door. At this selfless act of heroism to protect his family I was ready to ravish him right there in the hallway but then with spider in hand and unable to find the door key he opened the porch door and placed the spider in there to live with the coats and hats, in limbo, between house and front door. I have been using the back door ever since and I’m sure the spider is in there right now wearing my boots.
I read a rather amusing story in the paper recently about a man in Australia who had been approached by the police with an arrest warrant for domestic violence after his neighbours heard him smashing up his apartment screaming “I’m going to kill you” at the top of his lungs. On further investigation it became clear that the man who was actually single had been threatening a spider and chasing it around his lounge with a can of insecticide. This was Australia though, the spider probably tried to steal his television or something…
I never used to be so girlishly squeamish about the bugs but one morning I woke up face to face with one dangling Mission Impossible style about 4 cm from my nose. From that moment I’ve had a slight wariness of their fangs and feelers… shudder.
Unfortunately, after a quick bit of educational googling it seems I was right and spiders ARE getting bigger. Follow the link for more information, if you dare!